


Tracks

by AceRinky (Asexual_Ravioli)



Series: Mikasa Ackerman X Annie Leonhardt Shorts [28]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cutting, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Ravioli/pseuds/AceRinky
Summary: When Mikasa walked into the suite bathrooms, Hitch’s roommate wasn’t fast enough to hide her bloodied forearm under her hoodie sleeve.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, past Hitchannie
Series: Mikasa Ackerman X Annie Leonhardt Shorts [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/540622
Comments: 18
Kudos: 145





	Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> It's best to skip this if you feel you're in an unsafe space.

It felt unholy, profane, as if Mikasa had barged in on a sacred ritual, a sacrifice of pale skin to the lean razorblade’s edge. When Mikasa walked into the suite bathrooms, Hitch’s roommate wasn’t fast enough to hide her bloodied forearm under her hoodie sleeve. Annie’s hurt was manifested everywhere: the crimson seeping through the light grey fabric, the pink saturation of water and blood in the sink, the burning tears in her eyes, the heaving of her chest, and the words she didn’t say as she turned her face away. Unwillingly, Mikasa read every connotation of pain and shame before her. The intimacy of being privy to the agony of a stranger—watching it leak in dark, evil droplets onto the tile—overwhelmed anything Mikasa could think to say.

Until, finally, making her voice soft: “Annie. Your name’s Annie, right?”

The suitemate in question was stock still, but the razor slipped from her fingers, and a flash of bloodied metal skittered to Mikasa’s feet. Mikasa fought against looking at it, swallowing the urge by asking another question instead.

“Are you okay, Annie?”

An incredibly inane, stupid question, but one that Annie obviously had not been asked soon enough. Mikasa felt a pull in her chest, a deep instinct to foster the girl slashing at her arms in the night.

Sullen, Annie’s arms gently wrapped around herself. Her big blue eyes were shining and tired, slipping from the razor to Mikasa in an effort to extricate her mind from the reality of the situation. Then she cupped both palms over her mouth and grimaced with her eyes closed before saying, in a deadened voice, “Just…please don’t tell anyone. Please.”

“Okay. But there are some things you’ll have to tell _me._ In exchange.”

Mikasa bent to pick up the razor and held it at arm’s length from herself. Razors were nasty instruments, even when girls didn’t crack them out of their plastic containers.

_Too many girls,_ Mikasa thought. _Too many girls causing themselves a worse pain._

She carried the cursed thing to the trash bin. If she could never see one again…

“I have towels in my room,” she said.

Annie hadn’t moved except to shake her head. “What did you mean?”

“You’re ruining your hoodie.”

Two sets of eyes went to the grey sleeve so quickly being overwhelmed by the growing red stain.

“What did you mean?” Annie said. “About me telling you things in exchange?”

Mikasa made an impatient noise and grabbed Annie’s uninjured arm. “I meant you have to tell me why you did this. Come on.”

As she led her to her room, Mikasa heard Annie’s sniffling. It only strengthened Mikasa’s resolve to get to the bottom of this. She’d shared a gen ed, first semester, with Annie, and had pegged her as a girl who kept her feelings under the table. Like herself.

There may have been the slightest tremor in her hand when she took out her keys and fitted one into her dorm lock.

Mikasa’s room was a modest one, the only single-person dorm in the suite. She’d at last been moved here after a disastrous first semester with a roommate who’d twice set the suite on fire with her late-night, drunken cooking sessions. There were no posters here. No colorful bedspreads. No photos, save for one of her parents, tacked to the board above her desk. She’d have to add more; the image of her parents floated in the space alone, abandoned.

“Sit,” Mikasa said.

Annie stared at Mikasa’s perfectly madeup grey bedspread and backed up a pace.

“No,” Annie said. “I don’t wanna get your bed…dirty.” She looked at her soaked sleeve.

Mikasa shook her head. “Don’t be silly. It’s dark grey. I need to wrap up your arm somewhere, and I’m not doing it on the floor.”

Meekly, Annie sat on the bed and tilted her head to the ceiling. Mikasa supposed Annie was looking up there to find a way out, but as Mikasa knew, looking for God or whoever else would only find you ceiling tiles. When Mikasa gently touched Annie’s left wrist, Annie jolted.

“Sorry. Did that hurt?”

“No. No,” Annie said.

“May I?”

Annie’s eyes went down to her injured arm and darted back to Mikasa’s face. “Okay.”

Mikasa rolled up Annie’s sleeve with the care and precision of a nurse. The blood was smeared and oozing just slightly out of four generous cuts in the pale white flesh.

Mikasa inhaled. “These look deep.”

“Not really. They’re just practice.”

“For _what?_ ”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

“For deeper cuts?” Mikasa searched Annie’s arm. There were other, half-healed wounds. Maybe not quite as deep, but serious scratches like an angry cat could claw out.

Annie spoke. “I mean I can quit this before it gets serious. I just started a few weeks ago.”

“You’ll quit now.”

“Or you’ll tell on me?”

“Or you’ll cut too deep one day.” Mikasa began to wrap Annie’s arm in a towel. They’d rinse the cuts, clean them, later, when the bleeding was all done.

Annie grumbled something, reminding Mikasa why she’d gotten Annie alone.

“You need to tell me what’s making you hurt yourself.”

Annie’s eyelids lowered, and a stormy expression overtook her face. “It’s not so interesting.”

“Try me.”

Annie lowered her head. “Okay, so…You know my roommate?”

“Yes. Hitch Dreyse.” Mikasa tried to keep the distaste out of her voice.

Blue eyes locked on Mikasa’s. “Exactly. Her.”

“She did something,” Mikasa prodded.

“We both did. We…dated. First semester.”

“Oh.”

“We’re totally, like, done now. But she goes out all night and sleeps with guys. Sometimes she brings the guy over to her…bed.” Annie took a pained breath and touched her hand to the towel. “Maybe to spite me. Or maybe she just doesn’t care.”

Mikasa nodded. She’d seen more than one guy exiting Annie and Hitch’s room. How could Annie stand that? It was one thing to lose a lover, another entirely for that lover to lash out after.

“I need you to hear something and hear it really clearly, Annie.”

Annie turned to Mikasa expectantly.

“Okay,” Mikasa said with a sigh. “But what a BITCH.”

Annie balked, then covered her mouth, wide-eyed. Mikasa was about to apologize when she heard a tiny squeak: Annie’s laughter, the cutest sound, even more rewarding now that Mikasa had pulled it from such a dark place.

“I’m serious,” Mikasa said, but she was already laughing along with her. Their laughter filled the space between them, healing more than mere words could. When they were left with only silence, side by side with a towel soaking blood from Annie’s wounds, Annie remembered herself and squirmed.

“You won’t tell anyone, right? That I was dating her or…”

“It’s going in the vault,” Mikasa said, tapping her temple.

Annie offered the slightest smile. “Okay.”

“Now go get your things from your room.”

“What?”

“You’re my new roommate.”

The gears turned behind Annie’s eyes. “There’s only one bed!”

“Good. I can hold you all night so you won’t get up and cut.”

Annie flinched at the unshielded comment. “This is crazy.”

“Then bring your whole mattress if you have to. Or convince Hitch to take this room and we’ll move in there. Either way, we’re roommates so I can keep an eye on you.”

“I’m not getting out of this.”

“No. You’re not. There’s no way in hell you’re staying in the same room as her, okay?”

“…Okay.”

Mikasa pulled her into a strong hug. “I have to keep you safe.”

Annie stiffened for a moment, then gently laid her hands on Mikasa’s back. “I’ll be safe.”

“Go get your stuff for the night.”

Annie stood and peeled the towel from her arm. The bleeding had basically stopped, and she hid her arm under her sleeve once more.

After Annie left, Mikasa took a moment to compose herself and change into her pajamas. Down to just a t-shirt, she observed herself in the full-length mirror on her closet door. The scars on her arms would always be slightly raised, a dark red to remind her of the torture she felt since losing her parents. There was no need to show Annie tonight. She didn’t want to overload Annie with information: I’m just like you, but your path will diverge from the tracks on my arms, and you’ll heal, and I’ll be there, I’ll be there, and—scars or no—we will both know peace.

She had so many words for Annie, though they were mostly:

You’ll be okay.

You’re okay.

You’re okay.

**Author's Note:**

> [acerinky](https://acerinky.tumblr.com)


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